Don’t explode! Tips for managing anger at work

Anger is a completely normal human emotion – and a powerful one. When allowed to boil over, it can seriously damage relationships and hurt your professional credibility. But when completely suppressed, anger can turn inward, causing high blood pressure, depression or passive-aggressive behaviour.

When you find yourself struggling with anger, or are the target of someone else’s wrath, there are a few coping strategies you can use to help defuse and deal with the situation in a healthy way.

1. Try to calm down inside
During a difficult conversation, make sure you breathe deeply and evenly, from the diaphragm. Picture your breath coming up from the very middle of your body. Talk to yourself, slowly repeating something like “relax, keep calm”. You can also close your eyes for a few seconds and visualise a relaxing image, something that calms you down or makes you happy. While you are speaking, slow down, don’t interrupt, and consider carefully what you are saying.

2. Remove yourself from the situationIf tensions are flaring, consider taking a break from the discussion and returning to it later when you’ve both calmed down. As time passes, you’ll become more objective and the problem will crystalise in your head.

3. Choose the right medium for delivering your message
When you’re full of anger, it can be tempting to fire off a harshly worded e-mail, or stride over to someone’s desk to berate them. However, take a moment to consider what might be the best course of action. Negative emotions should actually not be shared in e-mails: what would appear quite reasonable when expressed in person or on the phone can come across quite differently in a mail, and can be interpreted wrongly. So arrange a time to talk – face to face, if possible.

4. Try to see the other person’s perspectiveIf you find yourself angry at a specific person, or they’re targeting you with their anger, take a moment to put yourself in their position. Everyone has their own stress and pressure; perhaps this person is dealing with a tough deadline, is the victim of a demanding boss, or has a personal problem at home. When you’re able to see the other person as a fallible human being just trying to get through the work day like you are, it’s easier to calm down and find common ground on which to start resolving your issues.

5. Moderate your languageListen carefully before you respond, and use phrases like, “I understand”, to show you are willing to see their point of view. Don’t use strong language or insults, and avoid words like “always” and “never”: they are probably inaccurate and will weaken your point. Another useful tip is the “mirroring technique”, where you repeat the other person’s words or phrases in what you are saying, not to annoy them further but to show you are really listening and that you understand them. Finally, don’t shift the blame for your anger on to them. Instead of saying, “You really annoy me when you …”, say, “I feel upset when you …”

6. Don’t take anger personally – and don’t fight backIf you’re being shouted at or treated rudely, try to remember: it isn’t really about you. You are not responsible for anyone else’s behaviour apart from your own, and you can’t control how they act. You can only control your response to their behaviour. If someone is lashing out at you, lashing back will only escalate the situation. Responding calmly, or not reacting at all and refusing to “feed” another person’s anger will cause it to burn out faster − just like depriving a fire of oxygen.

7. Know your “anger triggers” and find alternatives
Learn to recognise what makes you angry. It may be people, situations or tasks that cause your blood to boil – so figure out what they are, and figure out how to work around them with alternatives. For example, you may find that your daily commute to work leaves you frustrated and enraged in the morning before your day has even started. So explore different options – map a different route, drive rather than take public transport or vice versa. Or maybe you find yourself livid every time you have to prepare a certain report. Look for different, more efficient ways to get the task done, ask for help, or see if someone else is able or better suited to do it.

Finally, find healthy outlets for anger. Try vigorous exercise, or calming yoga or meditation routines. Allow yourself to release your frustration in a constructive way so that it doesn’t bottle up inside you – or explode in unhealthy ways.

Edited and Posted By,
Orginal Content from HP Asia-Pacific
S.Grace Paul Regan

Refined Consultant

Who is a refined consultant ?

1. The one who comes in high formal dress code with cozy suits but at the end looks like a donkey dressed up. Management "EMPLOYEES" doesn’t know dress code is worth for nothing if you know something, "if you know something! dress code is worth for nothing"

2. Try’s to show off himself and always shows his weakness, speaks butler English but in American accent. “How you speak doesn’t matter, What you speaks always matters”, Make sure what you deliever is understood.

3. Doesn’t know a word in a module but keeps up his image by pretending as if he knows INS and OUT of that particular subject. “A man becomes nothing when he thinks he knows everything”

4. Try’s to blow his buddy’s mistake beyond proportion and try’s to create a better image for himself as if he knows more than everybody. “It’s better to say NO and learn rather to say YES and being screwed”

5. Always have a laptop ,a costly mobile and some techie stuff and end of the day doesn’t know where a photo is saved when he saves the document from the net, never knew his mobile has wi-fi and so on …”Show off is like a chocolate wrapper – Having a good wrapper but soil inside will make the person throw both (Wrapper and Soil) in the dustbin or Having a good wrapper and good chocolate will at least spare the chocolate” But end of the day show off goes to the dust bin either you are a good wrapper or a bad one” Its better be who you are !

6. Keeps on searching mails if there is no mail to read he will forward some stupid messages to all his friends (Same Consultant’s) and will keep them busy, what a loop of network?. Invest your time positively , try to learn new things from web, update your knowledge…”Positive Investments have Positive Returns”

7. Always tries to work late after office hours even he would have not had work for at least 30 min in that day, But he will work late hours to prove that he is the only dedicated consultant in this world and loses his personnel dignity and self-esteem. By doing this he proves he will work only to please others not his self conscious. “Be Bold and Be Happy to work for you if not admit to be a slave”

8. He will try to poke his nose in other peoples work and will create a nuisance for other consultants, but he will fell happy about that he has proved to be knowledgeable, but he doesn’t know he lost his dignity and self respect among his colleagues. “One who loses his self respect loses his dignity, One who loses his dignity will lose his credibility, One who loses his credibility, will lose his self esteem, One who loses his self esteem loses his life”

9. Develops a attitude “Never Help Any Body” , thinks he has hard learned lot of things and it not good to teach someone for free or even if he’s in trouble. This means he has not realized only when you give to other you will get from others. “Only river creates a flow. Even though ocean is big but still it’s stagnant. He proves to be stagnant”

Do you think these qualities creates a Refined Consultant !!!

Thanks & Regards,
S.Grace Paul Regan

My Experience!!

Dear All,

Living this consulting life so far, whether I have enjoyed consulting or suffered through hardships and mistakes it matters!

I will really feel happy to share my good experience to make you feel even good and my bad experiences to make you aware before you have a bad experience like me.

If you feel that my shared experiences helped you in some situation, Please reply to my mail id or post your comment on this b-log just to motivate me. For sure you will find my experiences to sharpen your professional life!

Thanks & Regards,
S.Grace Paul Regan
regan.gpr@gmail.com